Basketball is Life: Coach’s Wife Annoyed with Women’s Basketball Culture

Submitted for publication by Trisha Kellogg, wife of SFA women’s basketball coach, Mark Kellogg.

Basketball is life.  I lived and breathed those words from a young age.  I spent hours upon hours in the gym in a tiny Montana town hoping enough people would show up to play a game of pick up ball.  I would dribble my basketball across the street to the middle school to shoot hoops, rain or shine.  I would beg my friends to come play for “just an hour” on a hot summer day when all they wanted to do was swim in the local pool.  Basketball was life.

That mentality propelled me to work hard every day.  My dad was a high school boys basketball coach and always stressed the importance of working hard to meet my goals.  There was no club basketball, there was limited college exposure in our town of maybe 5,000 people at the time.  I’d have to work extra hard to get a basketball scholarship and my grades had better be good enough to fall back on.  My parents wouldn’t be able to afford college, so it was up to me to make it happen and my goals fueled me day in and day out.

My junior and senior year in high school I was averaging 19 and 20 points per game.  I had some colleges calling and I was blessed to get a full ride basketball scholarship to a Division II University.  I was also Valedictorian, which made me more valuable to the University I chose to attend.  Not only were my basketball skills important, but my drive for academic success was key.

I red-shirted my first year and my team made it to the Division II elite 8 for the first time in school history.  I was so proud to be a part of such an amazing team with incredible goals!  I had never been associated with so many girls with the same mentality as me, give it your all every day in the gym and in the classroom.  This team was so hard working, it was awesome.  One small example was demonstrated on the track.  We had to run six, four hundred yard dashes on the track every Tuesday and Thursday for pre and post season conditioning.  Our coach grouped us according to position and gave us specific times that we had to make.  We were so competitive and pushed so hard that each group would shatter their time, because they didn’t want to be beat by a teammate or outworked.  We didn’t skirt by, we didn’t just make our times, we shattered them to get better and to push each other.  We also had to run the timed mile according to position.  One player didn’t make it and her punishment was to run it every day at 6:00am until she made it.  Our team chose to get up every morning with her and cheer her on until she made it.  Several of us even ran it with her to encourage her and help her along.  After about 5 days of running the mile, she made it.  In her last 100 yards of the mile, our entire team got on the track, held hands, and finished the mile with her.  We were a team and basketball was life.

I am now a women’s basketball coach’s wife and basketball still is life.  I live for each season.  I go to a lot of the practices and all of the games that I can.  My kids love it.  They eat sleep and breath it, too.  They are 6 and 8 years old and know more about basketball than most adults.  They look up to the players and imitate them and replay their games as if they were the players.  It’s a life-style.  It’s our life-style and it terrifies me.

Mark and I married nearly ten years ago and he had one year of head coaching experience at the Division II level under his belt at the ripe age of 29 years.  He was ambitious and passionate and ready to teach the game that he loved just as much, if not more, than I loved.  He had success, great success, and more importantly, great players.  We quickly realized that the relationships with the players were more important than the victories themselves.  Don’t get me wrong, winning is the goal and it is so vital for many reasons, but along with the winning culture, great people and friendships are cultivated.

We consider the girls to be our family.  We are worried if they are sick or sad.  We get excited to celebrate successes.  After they graduate, we go to weddings and they come visit.  We get to know their families and become an extended family.  It’s what the game is supposed to be about.  Building a culture of success on the court, but more importantly, in life.  And by success I mean graduating with a degree and leaving a college or university with friendships that will last a life time.  Isn’t that what life is about? Celebrating victories in life with the people you care about the most.  My college coach always told us that success is nothing without people to share it with you.  Isn’t that the truth?!

So you’d think that with this great life of basketball, love, and relationships, we’d be on cloud nine riding off into the sunset of passionate work and fruitful victories, but a dark cloud of change is starting to cover the basketball world and it’s scary.  We see this cloud moving in daily.

I hate to generalize and there are so many exceptions and my plea is to be the exception, but the culture of women’s basketball is starting to become one of entitlement and blame.  I’m seeing girls who not only won’t go the extra mile, but they will do whatever it takes to make the bare minimum.  They were the best player on their club team so they don’t understand why they have to work just as hard as the girl next to them for their position.  They think it’s ok to skip study hall and use the excuse that other people are doing it, too.  Their teammate will get recognition for a great play or a great game and they will get jealous that it wasn’t them or blame the coach that he/she favors the player.  They will lose playing time because of their attitude and will claim discrimination or mental abuse.

I’m seeing girls that are more concerned about posting on their snap chat and Twitter they had a career high 15 points and were going to party the night away, than those that love the game so much that they are hungry to make themselves and their teammates better.  I’m seeing girls who aren’t as successful (even as freshman and sophomores) as they think they should be, who blame the coach and want to transfer.  I’m seeing parents who aren’t happy with their child’s playing time who call the coach, athletic director, and yes, the president of the college or university, because their kid isn’t being treated fairly.  I see parents after games walk up the coach and confront them that they are mistreating their child.  More often than not, it’s their child that is failing school and gives very little effort at practice.  I’m seeing players band together, not on the court, but off the court, claiming they are being emotionally abused because their coach yells at them and is demanding.  They then sue the coach and university for all of the hardships they are going through.

What the heck is happening with women’s basketball?  I’ve had some tough coaches, demanding coaches, people who have pushed me to the breaking point and I used that as fuel to better myself.  I didn’t ever make an excuse, in fact, I worked harder.  Where is the kid that sees adversity and steps up to the plate and works to be the best that she can be?  She’s hiding behind a culture of weakness that is allowing kids to run to a law suit or a release form because she doesn’t want to challenge herself.  It’s a lot easier to blame someone than it is to put in the work.

This is terrifying.  My 6 and 8 year old children recognize this.  “Mom, why aren’t they smiling and cheering each other on?”  “Wow, they have some bad attitudes.”  Yes, they do and for elementary kids to see this, again, is terrifying.

We need to start the discipline early.  Get back to the fundamentals of what sports are about.  Club basketball needs to take a step back and let all of the players know that they will not always be the best and they will face adversity and it’s time to work hard not for the spot light, but for the love of the game.  Parents need to step back and hold their kids accountable and teach them the importance of work ethic in the classroom and on the court.  Quit bailing them out!

Kuddos to the women’s basketball players out there who work their butts off, who get good grades and who show up to study hall and class.  Kuddos to the women who are encouraging to their teammates and are more concerned about the team than themselves.  You are rare in this sport and it is you who can lead by example.

Basketball is life.  It still is.  I refuse to let the current culture ruin the game that has raised me into the women that I am.  I refuse to let the current culture ruin the kids who see the power that basketball has, the good and the bad.  I will continue to fight for the game that I love.  My plea is that our society stops allowing the current entitled culture of women’s basketball to continue.  From youth sports through to college hoops, hold the players accountable.  Demand excellence in the classroom and on the court.  Demand respect for teammates and coaches.  Life is about growing as people and building meaningful relationships.  Let’s get back to the fundamentals, because for families like mine, basketball is life!

Submitted for publication by Trisha Kellogg, wife of SFA women’s basketball coach, Mark Kellogg.